Oh, where did my patience go?

Having an ECHO is probably one of the easier tests their is, unless you have a heart, or lung problem and you have no body fat on your torso. I can't stand to lay flat, unless I am sleeping, for any amount of time and yet the ECHO requires about 1+  hours of laying flat. While the technician tries to take pictures of your heart with a little a rolling device, end the size of melon baller. Problem is it seems that they have to push, REALLY hard to get the picture and frankly my ribs don't like to be pushed between when there is no fat to cushion, like he's trying to pierce my skin with a knuckle. Then to add to the fun discomfort they 'hold your breath' circus begins, where ever second of breath holding is like an eternity, followed by a rapid catch my breath before the cycle begins again. Seriously, I am on oxygen for a reason and holding my breath is the equivalent of putting a present in front of a five year old and telling them they have to wait fifteen minutes to open it, just watch them squirm.

I just don't have the patience to lay, to be uncomfortable with the wand, to cough or try not to cough too much as to make his job harder because I sure know I don't want to stay for longer than necessary. Then to have an IV stuck in me for a two second test at the very end. I guess when a healthy person lays there it probably isn't a big deal, but then if your healthy, you likely aren't laying there. I hate that I can't relax and just take the moment as it is, but being uncomfortable is not something I seem to be able to tolerate a whole lot anymore. I tried to put it in perspective when the nurse told me of another heart test where they put a scope down your throat, well that made me pause because I would hate that a WHOLE lot more than I hate this.

Upon completion I drown my sorrows in McDonalds. Which didn't exactly help but it at least helped the hunger I was feeling. And now I can crawl back into my comfy clothes, and try to shake off the frustration of the morning.

I just wish I could be more patient, I am sure I will visit this topic again in the future as it seems to be so bothersome to me. I used to be able to tolerate so much, have I just been worn down, is it just because I spend so much of my day feeling like shit that I don't enjoy adding to the discomfort. Yet, I feel like I should try to get some control on this because after transplant there will be a lot of pain to deal with and many clinic appointments to start. I wonder though if I will, upon being able to breathe, lose a lot of this patience issue. It will be interesting, to say the least.

Now I am going to go see if I can find patience for sitting and working. Guess this patience things goes beyond the clinic...