Today I was able to get some work done for my job. The one thing I said I would do is the covers for the three brochures that are currently being worked on. I also realized today that when people don't do your job regularly, do your job, they might not know some things that seem common place. So what I learned from brochure one, I can inform for those doing it to fix brochures two and three. Sorry that the first one had to be a learning experience, such is life.
Today was pretty good, was rocky off and on. I did accomplish 30 minutes on the elliptical, not sure how that happened, but it did. Now the guilt from yesterday has left as I made an even bigger goal today with exercise.
Tomorrow I learn a little more about transplant, I should start adding to my list of questions. I have a few, I am mostly bewildered I think. I don't know where to rest my hope, one minute I am thinking how awesome this is all going to be and the next I am thinking how this could all just fall apart in my lap and there will be no future. I did learn today from other post transplant people that this stupid mush brain of mine is pretty normal at this point and that explains why the good Doc said I needed someone with me at these appointments.
It really will be like living two different lives in one's lifetime. There is the life with CF of gradual decline and working harder and harder with less and less. And the second life with renewed hope and the ability to do things I haven't done since I was a kid. Seriously 20 years! I remember at the age of 10 running up to the house to answer the phone and loving the feel of the speed and chance to get the phone before, in most cases, grandma would hang up. To this day, I know we didn't have an answering machine then, but why was getting the phone so important? I think it's just that internal goal setting. Maybe for old time sake I will go back to our old home and make the run, just to re-live my youth.
Maybe it's like having a child, you imagine what it will be like but when you hold that child for the first time the reality of it all hits like a lightening bolt. As a parent you are responsible for this new being and their life, in the same way I will be responsible for the new life I receive and it will be my sole responsibility to take care of the lungs with every breath I take.
I am off to think of questions for tomorrow.
Kiss your loved ones today, today is all we have.
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