Sunday, March 27, 2011

Full Family Weekend

All those great people I got to enjoy in photographs the other day were with me this weekend. I am so blessed to have a group of people supporting and loving me, always.

I was kind of down, not morbidly, but I think I a little blue or overwhelmed with all that has gone on lately and with finally be listed I really felt indifferent since that happened. I think it is likely that everyone who has a transplant wonders daily if they are making the right decision, but then maybe not. Maybe because I still feel like I can make it through the day and still exercise and and be independent, the idea of the transplant just kind of spooks me and I question if I am making the right decision. But even as hard as this will be, I am now certain I am making the right decision and I know that because of all the faces and hugs and smiles I saw this weekend. These people are my world, they are the few who know where I have been and where I am going. They are also the ones who will bring me through to the bright side of this journey.

I sat there with Josie on my lap and I thought, as I normally do with her, how lucky I am to have this girl love me so much. She has unconditional love for me as I do her and I have enjoyed watching every moment of her life as she grows every time I see here, not just physically, but emotionally and socially. Maybe some day she will tire of this old aunt but I am going to hold onto these moments with her for as long as I possibly can. I will always love how she wiggles her way onto my lap, there is nothing more sweet than that.

So, for as much as I feel unsettled about this I know this is where it has to go. I don't hate my CF life, it is difficult but I know it won't and can't go on forever. I still can't imagine myself not doing a vest three times a day, or at all for that matter, but I am willing to give it a try. Imagine, me being able to get up at 8 am, and leave the house ALL day.

To my family, my support, my loves. You have touched me beyond words, you have loved me beyond capacity. You are my rock and I love you back with every thing I can. 

“There are four questions of value in life... What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same. Only love.”

~Johnny Depp quotes (Don Juan deMarco (1995)

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