Monday, January 23, 2012

Fears and Peace

My new motto this week is faith and positive thinking.

John 14:27
New International Version (NIV)
27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

After last weeks upside down week of rejection, infection fears I was a little blah. I think I handled it all very well. But the problem I found is that I think I have been focused too much on the idea that things are going to go wrong. The bible version above was on a website that I read and it gave me great pause. The website was about fear and how if we let fear in it will take over our lives and that which we fear will indeed become reality. 

My biggest fear right now is actually going home, to my house to live amongst my things with my husband, as a wife. For nearly eight months I have been away from home, I have not had to maintain a house, or cook, or clean, or be a full time wife. I am not sure how to get mentally prepared but I am going to do my best not to let the fear take over. 

If given the choice today I would stick my head in the sand and let the world wash by and hope that when I come out everything will be beautiful and fine, and what's not so funny is that is exactly what I have been doing for eight months. I have been hiding from the realities and now I have to face them. For those who think marriage is easy, they are mistaken, it takes work, on both parts and it is easy to fall into a game of tit for tat. When so many things seem wrong it's hard to see them right again, how to find your way back to what once brought you ultimate joy.

In my quest toward this new life I have had a hard time focusing on what to do each day, part of it is the medications but some of it has to do with having a new life that allows you to do more but knowing something's must remain the same.

For this week I will try to curb my fears, I will try to find a bit of outward joy each day that I hadn't realized the day before.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

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