Saturday, May 14, 2011

Po's Wall

I love Kung Fu Panda. Mostly I love Jack Black as Po, he does a fabulous job creating this sweet lovable character with just his voice. Po has no hope of becoming the Dragon Warrior but finds himself the chosen one.

In the beginning of the movie we see Po working so hard to climb the steps to reach the location of the Dragon Warrior selection. Huffing and puffing he makes his way up the stairs, but gets there only to find the doors have been closed and the concrete walls are impenetrable. This is that spot at which I realized I am in the same place that Po is. No, I am not trying to become a Warrior, I am just trying to see over the wall. I have climbed and climbed these stairs of my life and huffed and puffed along the way winded and bedraggled I have reached the wall with little energy to make my way over to see what is on the other side. All I want is to see the other side, to see what wonders lie ahead.
I have spent the last five days fighting a stupid head cold, which is ugly and irritating in itself but I woke up Wednesday and to add insult injury I had the worst lung bleed I have had in the last three or more years. So bad that I panicked and call, who else 'Mom'. Chris was already at work. I had no warning no sense of this happening it just came out of no where, just like when you bend over and a blood nose starts. Same thing. So, I spent my whole darn day at the clinic waiting for CT results.The results, were...nothing new. I had no active bleed, the one in the morning stopped after about five minutes of coughing fits and hadn't returned. That is good news, but I was given strict orders, due to my head cold (from being to close to the kiddos), to keep my distance from my nieces and nephews the most awful thing I can ever imagine doing is not kissing there little necks and so soft, unblemished skin.

Here begins my journey, post transplant life is already starting to work it's way into today's life. Post transplant the doc feels my biggest challenge will be keeping away from the kids. Masks will be the new norm. I guess of all the things I will be sad to give up with the transplant will be loving up the kids. Not touching their skin to my lips sounds like the ultimate punishment. But, yet the reward is that I get to spend many more years with them, and that means a lot.

Transplant is my wall just like the wall that Po has in front of him, he is desperate to get to the other side to enjoy, see, and experience all the festivities with the others. I am desperate to see my life on the other side of the wall, the land of transplant. What will it be like? How will I be different? How will I be the same? How will I view life? Will I ever stop waiting for the next bad thing to happen? The hardest part of life is the not knowing. Once Po reached the other side of the wall he found what he dreamed of. I hope that I will find a wonderful life, one I never dreamed could exist for me but with all the things that make my current life full.


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