Monday, April 23, 2012
Six months ago today I went into surgery to receive new lungs. Can you believe it has been six months already! I remember just about three or four weeks after transplant sitting at my parents house wondering how on earth I was going to make it through. I was sore, underweight, tired and scared to death of these new lungs inside of me. Will I ever feel normal? On top of that will I ever know a life without pain and will these legs and lungs of mine ever work again, happily.
Fast forward to today. Where am I and where do all things stand? Let's recap, I have had three rejections, an abscess, and now a return infection of the lovely Pseudomonas and Aspergillus. That's just the crap stuff that happened. Now on to the good stuff. I have traveled to the Twin Cities more times in the last six months then I did in the last two years. I got to see my nephew play hockey for the first time in two years. I went to my sisters house this past weekend for the first time since Oct. 2010. I spent the whole day with my husband in the cities a few weeks ago, eating at a restaurant for the first time in nine months and traveling a whole day without a care or thought. I have painted more in the last six months than I have the previous nine years since I left college. I painted my fingernails, I ran five minutes, and now I am walking on the treadmill at 3 mph daily. I have read more books then in the whole Harry Potter series since transplant and finally walked around my neighborhood. Whew, I am sure there are more things I have done but right now I can't think of them.
My pain is still a daily thing, my chest feels like it isn't part of me most days. I still have issues eating with bloating and a sense of food just sitting there at the end of the day. But I still love food and I go at it like it's going out of style.
There are many days lately that I am suddenly overcome by the realization that I have someone else's lungs inside of me. People say they are mine now, and to some extent yes they are but there is no denying that I have a part of another being in me. It also makes me nervous when I realize how delicate this whole thing is. I try not to dwell on it. I kind of say a little thank you and take hold of the moment and the day, that I am still here for whatever reason and to cherish this very moment. Then I move on, because dwelling on it will only make me sad for knowing it can all be gone too quick but yet how thankful I am for being given this extra time. Funny though the more days you are given the harder it is to think about losing it all again. But I won't travel that road today. Today I will rejoice that I have had a good day and I got to go to Hobby Lobby and Home Depot with my dad, lunch with both my parents, and finish assembling our new bed with my husband. I can only be thankful.
Happy six months lungs, and thanks for my donor for this celebrated day!