My new home...

After a lengthy absence from this site, I have decided to see what thoughts I might be able to share today. This could be long or short depends on my typing and how much I really have to say.

I have been in the hospital since June 1st, and looking back the time has flown by. Although there are many days that crept along and wished the night would come. I never expected on June 1 that my life would lead me here. I guess I thought I would be one of those lucky CFers that would get the call for new lungs while they were basking at home with their rotten lungs. Although I told my nurse that I would have been very upset had I know this was coming.I don't remember the day but I think it was June 14, I had a terrible night of no sleep for the 14th day in a row. I had asked Chris to spend the night because I kept feeling like I couldn't breathe. that morning I woke up for therapy and suddenly my oxygen plummeted, in a matter of minutes I was sidled to the ICU, and from there my memory gets fuzzy. My carbon dioxide had reached an level that was requiring help to bring it back down. But my memory is more of lights and whispers, dark amber glowing lights and waking to find my Dad or brother or husband at my side. What I forgot to mention was that just that seeing them was beauty because just a day or two before I told them all goodbye. I didn't know what entirely was happening but I knew it was important to share my love. To my surprise I made it and to be honest.

Most days are the same, I spend them doing therapy, eating, exercising, doctors visiting, and napping on the ventilator to regulate my CO2. My days are never the same and my nights are never the same either, lack of sleep is one of my problems as is anxiety with each day from staff changes to my feeling good or bad that day.

I am learning to do small things related to my trachea, like changing the cushion, coughing through the hole in my throat, and being extra hands during suction.

I wish these days were consistently easy, and I would feel good from morning to night but it just doesn't happen. More so I wish these new happy lungs would arrive.